Heston Blumenthal opens in Manchester

All right, that was an April Fools' Day treat for you. We're very glad if you swallowed it hook, line and sinker.

MANCHESTER has been starved of high profile chefs coming in to create a world-class restaurant. The imminent Jamie’s Kitchen is hardly that and provokes the response: so why Brighton, Oxford, Leeds before us? That’s all about to change big time.

I’d heard so much about the suburb’s elegance, refinement and lentils. Then when the council cuts closed the library it seemed the perfect time to get the building and create something beautiful.

The Pukka One is set to be totally eclipsed by the arrival of the gastronomic Super Moon himself – Heston Blumenthal.

He’s masterminding a fine-dining establishment in the city’s most food-centric quarter, Chorlton.

And it’s called Chorlton:Heston.

Heston Blumenthal's Signature Dish On Edible Paper

Housed in the former library on Manchester Road, critics are already queuing up to say that this will be the destination restaurant for which north western foodies have been craving. It might be the game-changer we all wanted.

The move is all down to a book that Confidential happened to show him on a trip to Dinner, Blumenthal’s new place in the Mandarin Hotel.

The book is Elizabeth Baffles’ stained and torn 18th century account of dishes served at a merchant’s mansion in George Street. This is a spinster’s extraordinary culinary journey inside a primitive domestic kitchen. It shows that an extremely refined version of ‘nose to tail’ eating was alive even then, using ingredients we wouldn’t associate with that age.

Food

Heston read it from cover to cover and caught the next Pendolino north. Chorlton caught his imagination, too.

Creating Dinner had taken over his life for the best part of two years. Even the Fat Duck took a back seat.

He said: “It was time for the next challenge. And time to come to Chorlton. I’d heard so much about the suburb’s elegance, refinement and lentils. Then when the council cuts closed the library it seemed the perfect time to get the building and create something beautiful.”

ManCon understands negotiations are well advanced for the purchase of the Grade 2 listed building. Arab backers will spare no expense to make the 90-cover restaurant Manchester’s biggest ever style statement.

Already Blumenthal protege James Cook (El Bulli, Noma, the French Laundry, Nutters) has been head-hunted to lead a 20-strong brigade. Soux chefs will include upcoming Wilbraham and Oswald Rode (sadly the third of the triplets, Nicholas, couldn’t join them).

Front of house is expected to be the legendary Nino Simone, coming out of Capri retirement. George Bergier, a Chorlton resident and current sommelier at Sam’s Chop House will be the wine consultant. Victor Hyman from The Barbakan Deli will provide an ‘archly knowing’ Friday night stand-up gig.

Future plans include the construction of a 30-acre herb garden and Nubian goat farm on the site of Old Trafford football ground.

Coldplay are expected to jam with Gwyneth Paltrow and Jamie Cullen, a big Blumenthal fan, at the launch, provisionally scheduled for 19 October.

Canapes will consist of the place’s signature dish in waiting – caperberry-stuffed boar’s colon, a favourite of Miss Elizabeth Baffles. Hence the colon central to Chorlton:Heston.

Confidential has been given a sneak preview of the dishes on the a la carte menu:

Starters

Wasabi-soused elk tongue with fatigued espuma
Herons-blood noflyzone with Gaddafi rock salad
Amuse pooch (small happy dog) 
Harsh and abrasive snails rigorously denied

Mains

Scorched marlin hoof, fettled potato and helium-roasted monster munch
The Medlock Egg: placenta conceived out of Medlock, deep-fried in sumac-sprinkled loam
Steak tartar: cold, dead, beef
Punished ducks, with kitchen-caught locally sourced wasp puree

Sides

Loads of beetroot, just loads of it

Desserts

Massive Tesco Surprise with appalled local raspberries
Mashed mish of mish mash, nish and tish
Swarfega and bilberry pavlova
Exploded sherbet lemons in Space