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You are here: Home > Food & Drink > General
A Gordo Manchester Food Odyssey
Or a tale of rib of beef at £70, black puddings from t’hills and a precocious sponge-pudding prodigy
Date Published: 29/10/2009
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About three years ago, Gordo took part in one of those TV programs where misguided idiots are invited to try and beat a professional chef. The chef was that little Italian who keeps disappearing round the back of tents when he does food demonstrations for those Cheshire Food shows. Usually one of the female volunteers happens to go missing at the same time. Gordo can’t understand all this exercise going on in the middle of the day when there are usually a few bottles of free claret and the odd pork chop knocking about, but heigh ho. Orangeyness of this intensity takes fatty back forty years. To a shitty football field in Swinton, aged eight, where having had his shins kicked to buggery during a forty five minute parched hell of a junior football game, a freckled, podgy red-haired Gordo is given fresh orange quarters. God they were good. This Orange Steamed Pudding topped it. On the day of the competition, Gordo was asked to nominate the supplier of six big fat juicy ducks so he could be filmed buying them; Frank Murphy, aka Arkwright, of Axons of Didsbury sprang to mind, one of the two best butchers in south manchester. The fact that the program was going out at peak time to around seven million viewers meant that Axons would get about £200,000 quids worth of publicity, free. Gordo is no fool, this must be worth free meat for the next twelve months. 70 quid for that, laughs the Silver Fox On the day, Gordo beat the Italian hands down with his retro duck á l’orange with celeriac mash. The poor signore cried and wet his pants. The following Saturday Gordo, having been invited down to Didsbury for ‘a thank you present’, pitches up at the shop to collect a full rib of beef. Frank hands over the beast. “Thanks for that Gordo, it’s been mental in here all week. Now this rib weighs in at £60 quid, so I am going to knock 10% off for you. That’ll be £54 quid”. Arkwrights Gaff It’s Gordo’s turn to wet himself. “Thanks very much for that Frank,” says ‘he who expects, doesn’t get’, as Gordo’s Gran used to tell him. Last Saturday finds Gordo back in the queue at Axons for a rib of beef. It has to be said that it’s the only place for one of these monsters. Gordo gets a big ‘un, £70 in English. Whilst the butchers are cutting a cote de boeuf off one end the fat one is eying up the bacon. Award Winning, but not FREE, Axons bacon “That won the top prize at the show Gordo. Tell everyone about it. Here, while you’re at it, try a few of these wild boar sausages and tell me what you think,” says Frank with a grin that reminds Gordo of the snake in the Jungle Book. Gordo parks the bacon and sausage on the counter, takes the bundle of Rib off one of Frank’s fellers. “How much again?” asks Gordo. “£70 quid. Has tight-arse thrown them in?” asks the silver fox assistant. “Well he has with the sausage, not entirely sure that was including the bacon,” says an unusually honest Gordo. The fox goes to the back of the shop and checks with Frank and comes back. “That’ll be £73, ta Gordo” Gordo groans. Nothing changes. Bad Boy Ribs |
Banging Black Puddings Gordo then drives to Ramsbottom, in search of a decent black pudding and gets four beauties from Walmsley’s, a butchers shop so successful that the lazy buggers were trying to shut up shop at one o’clock when Gordo forced the door open. They were beauties. Even with Arkwright’s irritating, penny pinching ways, it must be said that a mixture of his bacon, Walmsey’s black pudding and eggs from Harvey Nichols (they get ‘em from Horse Shoe Farm in Alderly Edge, Gordo used to have his geese fattened there for Christmas) Gordo would have been having this lot declared dish of the week, or month. But… That was before Gordo nipped into Ramsons at the top of the street to buy a decent bottle of Chianti from the owner, Chris Johnson. Chris insisted that Gordo had something to eat. Gordo had to walk past The Wayward Tyke chippie on the way to Walmsley’s earlier so obviously he had already had lunch. But, he could manage a pudding maybe… Steamed Orange Pudding with Custard. Sounds simple doesn’t it? Try starting where Chris starts. In the market. In Milan. Yes, Milan. Because that’s where this lunatic gets his blood oranges from. Why? They are the best in the world. Carry on with a young pastry chef who has the best hands in the business for producing a sponge that is so light the greatest wonder is how he keeps it from floating away whilst he somehow takes the flavour from those oranges, concentrates it ever so slightly and infuses the sponge with all its delights. Dish of the Week Orange Sponge Pudding YUM Orangeyness of this intensity takes fatty back forty years. To a shitty football field in Swinton, aged eight, where having had his shins kicked to buggery during a forty five minute parched hell of a junior football game, a freckled, podgy red-haired Gordo is given fresh orange quarters. God they were good. This Orange Steamed Pudding topped it. It was married to vanilla custard, well crème anglaise actually, one that could stand up to the crème anglaise that Paul Bocuse in Lyon, a legend, uses to float his Iles on. Readers. You need to try this. A worthy dish of the week. By the way. The lad who cooked this dish was Johnny Sharples and there are a few things you need to know about him. He started at Ramsons aged 13. He is now 16. And, his mum insists we call him Jonathan. Blimey. Impartial, Fair, Hungover Food Critic That bacon was good though. The wild boar sausages? Frank, they were ‘orrible. They were as high as a kite. Finally, for all you chefs out there, including David Gale of Podium, you will be pleased to know that Gordo let the béarnaise sauce split that evening, as well as ruining the sodding Cote de Boeuf by overcooking it. Don’t ask, schoolboy errors. Even Gordo can have an off night. Nearly Dish of the Week Walmsley's Butchers Axons Butchers Ramsons
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Steve says..“ Good job you didn't go to Uncle Alan's Butchers in Alderley Edge Gordo.....armless and legless springs to mind!!”
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johnthebrief says..“ It's true. Axons' beef rib is absofeckinglutely wonderful. And it's not expensive, it's value for money. The last one I got cost £50 and was worth every penny.”
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Scared says..“ I hope that's not what happens to ex-Confidentialers when they leave.”
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Gordo says..“ Ok Frosty, I am going to test you next month.”
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johnthebrief says..“ Frosty, you've sold me on at least a trial purchase. Where do we find you?”
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Chick says..“ jtb, Chorlton Precinct. Is that how you spell precinct?”
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Gordo says..“ Got to admit JTB. Frosty is good. Don't let him sell you anything dipped in flavours if you know what I mean, like 'minted lamb chops', they are for the punters.”
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frosty says..“ Gordo.. I don't think I've got anything to worry about! Just ask aiden bryne!!! ”
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Bob the Butcher says..“ [editorial: comments removed]”
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frosty says..“ Bob, I don't do slanging matches.. Too good for all that. ”
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frosty says..“ Bob, I don't do slanging matches.. Too good for all that. ”
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NorthernGeezer says..“ If the eye-tie dont turn up for the cook off, can i have his turn with the female volunteer round the back of t'tent??.”
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Anonymous says..“ Definitely best to visit Walmsleys. Just missed a trick by not trying their sausages and pork pies!!! Perhaps a return visit is required?”
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Steve says..“ Regularly venture to Frostys and out of the blue in Chorlton as although I live in Alderley, I ain't rich enough to swallow getting fleeced by big Alan Jackson!!!!”
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frosty says..“ GORDO, WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO REVIEW MY CAFE IN HALE VILLAGE (HALE CAFE BAR) ALL GOOD LOCAL STUFF......”
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Gordo says..“ Frosty, when you stop shouting! Where can I buy RS Irelands black puddings? And, veal feet (damn, what do you call 'em? Trotters? Mind's gone blank..)”
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FROSTY says..“ gordo.... calves feet (split) £1.75 kg, black puddings £2.95 kg. both in stock. give me a call if you need anything. ”
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Steve says..“ How can he show you evidence to the contrary Bob?? Yes I am madder thana box of frogs mate......but I know good produce when I come accross it.....always pays to keep an open mind eh? ”
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Opportunist says..“ Thank you, it would make a great regular feature! Sometimes you can go to the butchers with big plans then get all intimidated as you're scared of sounding clueless.”
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Bob the Butcher says..“ Thanks for the invitation Frosty. An interesting debate on the subject (as well as broader Manchester dining) can be found here - http://chowhound.chow.com/topics/488431”
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Bob the Butcher says..“ Thanks for the lesson Steve, you clearly know your stuff”
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