The Burton Arms: How Not To Market A Pub

SLEUTH has a positive outlook on life.

So the Burton Arms on Swan Street was a shock.

While enjoying your pint you don't need to be bombarded with neg-head madness about things that will probably never happen

He went into the late-Georgian pub to enjoy a quiet pint of Joseph Holt and was surrounded by a group of rough threatening characters - these took the form of numerous posters warning people about illegal activity.

He called the pub a couple of days later and asked them what they were playing at.

"There are about 20-30 posters in your tiny pub," said Sleuth, "warning people about being barred for life for illegal activity, for selling drugs and so on. There are signs telling people not to get a drink if under 18, of not smoking. You even have signs warning people to beware pickpockets. Are you the most violent and crime ridden pub in the land?"

Diane, the landlady, thought for a while before replying: "Not at all, we're a good pub, with lots of locals, we have very little trouble. We have to put the signs up by law."

"Maybe a couple behind the bar, a couple elsewhere," said Sleuth. "But you don't have to festoon the pub with so many they look like twisted Christmas decorations. I was just in the Castle and the Crown and Kettle pubs round the corner and neither pub made me feel I was in such danger. Indeed I can't remember any warning signs."

"That surprises me, we have to have these signs up," said Diane.

Fact. She doesn't. She needs some bureaucratic pieces of idiot nonsense as part of the licensing agreement. But she doesn't need more than twenty. 

Ah what a world though.

Diane seems to genuinely believe that she needs to wallpaper her otherwise charming pub with signs that immediately make people feel uncomfortable. But while enjoying your pint you don't need to be bombarded with neg-head madness about things that will never happen.

Sleuth's going to sneak in and replace all the signs with others saying, 'The world is beautiful', 'Make love, not war', 'There are gold ships and silver ships but the best ships are friendships'.

Thinking againg that would be worse.

Still we need a revolution against signs telling us not to do this, not to do the other.

Tear down the fences, tear down the warnings. Let's liberate ourselves.