Confidential Christmas Party agenda

Sleuth’s had the official timetable for today’s Confidential Christmas party from the panel in Party Meeting Room A.

3pm finish work

4pm pre-meal drinks

5pm three course meal in restaurant

6pm clever banter

7pm mucky humour

7.55pm deep philosophising about the true meaning of life

8pm let’s go to a bar now

9pm manic joviality

10pm idiocy

10.30pm Gordo pulled away from potential flashpoint after inappropriate comment

11pm doubt

11.30pm Body Confidential editor Lynda Moyo opens up free life advice sessions

12’o’clock Confidential female found kissing a barman

1am needless visit to cashpoint

1.45am double vision, someone has a little weep

2am sudden burst of universal love

2.30am police incident

2.45am I’m a little bit gypsy me says news editor Simon Binns

3pm gibbering fatigue

4am ‘Aw mate, just one for the road eh?’ says, Sales Director, Chris Grimes

4.30am kebab

5am ‘So where did you say you live?’ asks taxi driver

5.30am fall asleep on couch.

Saturday dry mouth, bad temper, ugly scene while doing Christmas shopping.

Sunday total recall. Indefinable shame.