Sleuth 04/03/2011

Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to print. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows.

The Beatles re-form in Manchester
This is the surprise news from Youtube this week. Sleuth says well done to the Longfield Live in Prestwich for getting what should prove to be a sell-out gig.

James to be blunt
Smudge Jones, Confidential’s Gymnastics and Synchronised Swimming Correspondent, was looking on Youtube and in a similar alert to the Beatles above found out that James were playing at the Apollo. He rang them to check it out. “Er,no,” said the Apollo, “it’s not James the band, but James Blunt.” Beautiful thought Smudge as he somersaulted backwards off the Parallel Bars. The Youtube recommendations aren’t quite working out it seems. It’s all in the algorithms.

Eddie Izzard and the case of the deeply uninteresting photo
Sleuth was in AND Partners in Ancoats this week. One of the beautiful ladies there said, “If you go on to the street by Sankeys, Eddie Izzard is filming there. Apparently it’s some drama for a Christmas special. They’re going to be putting some artificial snow down as well.” Sleuth went for a look. And found some vans. But honestly folks Eddie is around somewhere.

Sleuth’s rumour of the week
The announcement that Maria Balshaw would be running both the Whitworth Art Gallery and Manchester Art Gallery (click here) was rushed out by the City Council and the University. This followed somebody blabbing about it at the launch of the Mary Kelly exhibition at The Whitworth a couple of weeks ago. It must be that appalling wine at the gallery events, it's like a truth drug.

Sleuth’s wise University words of the week
Sleuth was at the Big Regeneration Debate at Manchester Metropolitan University on Wednesday. He was sat at a wooden desk in a lecture theatre. Carved in the desk were three words of profound wisdom: ‘Maths is Shit’. Such certainty, such conviction.

Three’s a magic number
The Big Regeneration Debate was a decent stab at looking back over the changes in the city over the last two decades or so. It had its heated and amusing moments. Sleuth’s favourite was when the chair, Dave Haslam, said, “There’s a number of residents in Hulme against the Birley Fields development by MMU (click here)....” “Three,” interrupted Council Leader, Sir Richard Leese. “Three, what?” asked a bewildered Haslam. “There are three people against it,” said Leese. Sleuth loves a definite number put on a protest ‘movement’. Puts it in context. Mouthy people get heard beyond their merit.

Council Leader is in love...with us
Sleuth pointed out at the above debate that he was sick of the asinine comparison between Manchester and Barcelona that these events always throw up. Barcelona is different climatically, geographically, socially and historically. Sir Richard Leese agreed and then surprised everybody by saying, “I’ve walked around Barcelona and frankly I think Manchester looks better, frankly I prefer Manchester.” Raised eyebrows amongst doubters all around - the British love self-loathing. Sleuth meanwhile applauded, he liked the loyality, liked the sentiment - delusional or not.

Mormon Magic doesn’t need Specsavers
Sleuth was recently approached by a Mormon who offered him salvation. All he had to believe was that an angel called Moroni visited a man called Joseph Smith and directed him to a set of 'golden plates'. “And what was on the golden plates,” said Sleuth chewing his own hat. “A message,” came the reply, “that Smith translated with a pair of Magic Glasses.” “From Specsavers?” asked Sleuth. “No, the glasses were actually peep stones that allowed Smith to interpret the plates. According to Mormon scholars they had special names, Urim and Thummim.” Sleuth was now eating his own arm. “And were these actually characters from the original cast of The Wombles?” Sleuth asked. "No," said the Mormon.

Monkey tries on Mr Smith’s Magic Glasses

Sleuth’s Zebra Crossing of the week
Road safety device comes to life in Spinningfields.

Mother Teresa Moyo
Moyo interviewed Jason Derulo this week (click here). At one point she said, “There are ten girls waiting outside the Apollo now who want to do bad things to you. They’ve been waiting all day. You gonna go and put them out of their misery?” Derulo said: “I love my fans more than anything. I did a signing today at HMV. There were people waiting there for a really long time and I signed like a thousand CDs and shirts. (But) it’s a little dangerous for me and for them. It can end up like a little riot so you gotta be careful. Send a kiss from me when you go back out there.” Moyo went one better she ripped pages from her diary, got him to sign them, and gave the girls the autographs as she left. Swoons all round. Halo for Moyo.

Sleuth’s lesson one on ‘How the male mind works...’
Sleuth attended a Twitter seminar the other day. The speaker had all the animation of one of those metal figures that appear out of churches on the Continent when the clock strikes twelve. Terrible. Afterwards Sleuth was chatting to another of the delegates, a male, over a drink. “It’s easy,” the man said, “follow anybody who wants to follow you and looks like they may make you money. And also follow any pretty woman who wants to follow you.” Pause. Wink. “You never know.”

Sleuth’s self-promotion of the week
This is a picture from the Restaurant and Bar Show held at Manchester Central. In the competition announcement for ‘Which is the greatest Tiki bar in the North West?’ one local bar in Stevenson Square in Manchester had decided on some direct action.

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