Sleuth 25/03/2011

Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to print. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows.

Sleuth’s best Breakfast in the North of the week
This is from The Quarter Restaurant and Deli on Faulkner Street in Liverpool. £7.50 and utterly glorious.

Sleuth’s fave mad bureaucracy of the week
This picture is a snap of the 2011 census that we all have to fill in on 27 March. Read it people. What’s going on with question 17? What the hell are they hiding?

Sleuth’s bureaucratic filter of the week
Sleuth’s chum was trying to point out by email that an NHS health report he was reading was gobbledygook. Unfortunately he wasn’t allowed to point it out as the word gobbledygook was filtered out of the email. Its final syllable is ‘gook’ which was an unsavoury US military term for the soldiers and insurgents they fought against during the Vietnam War. Of course the gook in gobbledygook is nothing to do with that one. Then again Sleuth reckons the word could have been filtered out for ‘gobble’ too. Good job the report didn’t refer to the NHS in Scunthorpe.

Sleuth’s toilet observation of the week
Sleuth is grateful to Ed for this comment who came on Sleuth’s Great Northern Tunnel tour last week. ‘Thank you for a fantastic tour,’ he wrote and then mentioned one of the features remaining from the tunnel’s conversion into bomb shelters in WWII. ‘I suggest we keep the existence of that chemical toilet secret from the Council before they open it to the general public as some form of recompense following the closure of practically every other public convenience in the city… (The other one of course being ‘p*ss alley’ next to the T-Mobile shop on Market Street)’.

By the way Ed had his charming mother along for the tour. She was visiting from the Cotswolds in Gloucestershire. “I love coming to Manchester,” she said, “it’s such a beautiful city.” Sleuth loves positivity. Truth comes from the eye of the beholder.

Knife edge at Airport
Sleuth was down at Epernay at Manchester Airport recently, the airside bar – there’s another Epernay in town. Chatting to staff there he discovered that they have to count the knives three times a day, if one goes missing the airport closes. Sleuth once knew a person who was a bit obsessive about the cutlery like that. She probably would have closed the street down if anything had gone missing.

Confidential victory
Last week Confidential pointed out the hypocrisy of the Manchester Art Gallery catering company Compass, promoting local products and then selling Fuller’s London Pride ale. It seems we might have got a result – as footy people say. This on the rants: ‘Manchester Art Gallery does work with our catering partner to source products locally for the gallery cafe and events. Our black pudding is from Bury and all our other meat and any bread and cakes not made on the premises are from suppliers based within a few miles of the gallery. However, fair point about the beer! We're meeting with our regional catering manager next week to identify a suitable local supplier.’ Sleuth says hurrah.

Sleuth’s fridge on a bike pic of the week
This pic was taken in Spinningfields. It’s a fridge on a bike. Maybe it’s battery powered. Maybe that fella likes a cold drink when cycling.

Sleuth’s other mobile cool device
Here’s a picture of Gordo and Schofield skipping school to buy ice cream from Bernardo Scappaticci, one of the original Italian ice cream vendors in Manchester sometime in the early twentieth century. Gordo's on the right.

Sleuth's sneaky photo of the week
Is this a well-known Manchester photographer sneaking up on these people in Exchange Square? Or is it all legit?

Sleuth’s fast moving Council Leader of the Week
Sleuth is wondering whether Council Leader Sir Richard Leese, on the left in the picture below, was delivering more than one signature during the confirmation of an Air Etihad contact centre at the Airport. There's a curious symmetry to this photo. Did Sir Richard Leese nip ninja-style to the other side of the table, slip some glasses on, change his tie, and sign again?

Sleuth’s joint fave bureaucracy of the week
This is a picture of the CRB (Criminal Records Bureau) form Sleuth had to get to make sure he could coach the Oswald Road football team his own son plays in. His own son. On the front it thankfully says Sleuth is clean.

On the back it says: ‘The CRB is not responsible for the accuracy of police records...If the person to whom the Disclosure relates (i.e. Sleuth in this case) is aware of any inaccuracy in the information...he or she should contact the Countersignatory immediately to prevent an inappropriate decision’.

So if you are a nasty person or the police made a mistake you should turn yourself in? Is that likely? What Sleuth thinks and hopes is that this clause is for those who have failed a CRB check but feel wronged. The problem is that when bureaucracy tries to speak in simple English, it often ends up so simple it becomes difficult to understand.

Follow Sleuth on twitter Sleuth