Sleuth 30/07/2010

Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to print. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows.

Tea party war hots up
Not normally up for wars – drafted Manchester City Council’s resolution opposing the invasion of Iraq. But wars in the city centre – as Manchester’s biggest tea drinker I’m loving it. 49p a cup at The Waterhouse, Princess Street. Great tea and great value. There are three other commercial café places in the city centre where tea is 11p more at 60p. My tea lips are sealed – no way do we want tons of new customers pushing up the price. The tea is on me if you can identify them. I very rarely drink coffee so don’t know the market – tea drinkers lead simple lives – good tea, good value and lots of it.

Street watering
Is it just me or are we seeing more males urinating in the street across the city centre? Saw three males yesterday alone – one at 8.15am coming out of the flat and two together late afternoon. No old fashioned shielding or hiding themselves – just do what I want, where I want and treat the entire city centre as an open toilet. I get a lot of letters/mails about it and I know the public think its disgusting and want it stopped. Are there any toilets in bars these days – the cctv coverage outside bars would indicate not? Tied up this year with the elections so not had a chance to sort out the no urinating in public bye law. The cops are really up for it so it’s coming to Manchester soon. Also, get a lot of complaints about the open urinals at the back of the Piccadilly Berlin Wall – supposed to be for late night usage but selfish males at it all the time. So, on the list to sort out. It’s a glam life being a councillor.

Members of the council
When I originally sent the story above to Confidential I’d referred to ‘weeing willies’. This was refused by the North Korean high security filters we have at the Council. The techie lady said that ‘urinating members’ would be ok. I decided against either.

108 days to go
With other colleagues I chose the new Christmas lights for Manchester. Always a tricky decision as young designers like to modernise and do cutting-edge stuff but most Mancs, in my experience like their Christmas traditional. I still get a trickle of threatening letters from irate adults about the new Father Christmas. He and the lights were road tested on eight year old Rhianne and eleven year old Connor Karney. So if you don’t like what you see in 108 days time, send letters/mails to them. By the way if anybody can work out who the kids will be screaming for let me know and we’ll get them along for the switch-on.

Piccadilly Gardens – new team
This is my local gardens and it's in a sorry state at the moment with the fountain fenced off and parched greens. We have a new management group in place so I am expecting better care and maintenance plans. Watch this space for a date for a public walkabout so that we can put out heads together. I need all the 'greenies' to come as the editor of the site wants it concreted over. Bring your shovel so that we can bury him there.

All zombies: 16 days to go
Met with Carl Whiteley who is lead zombie at the third Zombie Aid Event at Sportscity on 15 August. One of my most memorable days of 2009 was going around an empty Arndale (had a thirteen year old nephew as an alibi) moaning and groaning as a rookie zombie. Fantastic fun and all in a good cause. Carl has some great ideas about Halloween in the city centre so we are talking.

Manchester-on-sea
Greetings from Manchester on sea – one of fifty seven Manchesters across the globe. Just invited the Mayor to come to our Manchester Day 2011. Here with my besty colleagues, Richard Leese (left) and Jim Battle (right)taking a few days off.

The city shop that drives me bonkers
Having been around North West towns in the last few months and seeing first hand the impact of the economic downturn it's sad to see so many empty shops. I'd say Manchester is doing relatively well although we have our problems like everyone else. The empty shop at the top end entrance to Market Street drives me bonkers. It's been empty since Going Places moved out some years ago but comes to life for short term 'bargain' lets from time to time. Everyone at the Arndale has tried to get it back in use but Going Places/Thomas Cook has a long term lease and for some bizarre reason leaves it empty. I am going to stand outside it soon with a large placard naming and shaming them.

Sleuth is currently in Cyprus sorting out the Greek, Turkish partition issue. He might take the three Scouse girls he saw recently in Liverpool Airport into the negotiations. These were beautifully turned out in maxi dresses, curlers and slippers – if they can’t bang heads together nobody can. Cllr Pat Karney has promised a full job share on Sleuth’s return, so Sleuth will be bossing the city centre folks. There’s going to be some bloody changes, Sleuth can tell you.

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