Champions League Final – the dream

Chatting in the office on Friday we realised that Barcelona might do what they did against Arsenal and Real Madrid and win comfortably. So we thought we’d dream. We thought we’d get Smudge Jones to write a scenario of success whatever the score. Fantasy Football Champions League. 

So on at Saturday evening at Wembley, Sir Alex Ferguson took his place among the football immortals after guiding United to a third Champions League under his stewardship, and a fourth for the club.

In a surprise move Messi then produced his own portable goal-line technology that proved the ball had indeed gone over. 

A late goal from surprise substitute Michael Owen, settled a tight affair 3-2 in United’s favour and brought the curtain down on quite a bizarre match between two of the most entertaining teams in the history of club football.

In front of a packed Wembley and millions watching in bars and at home across the world, the two teams played out a nervy first half before the game burst spectacularly into life in the second half, when the Catalans who took the lead in the least Barcelona fashion ever. A header from a corner, by former red devil Gerard Pique.

At was as this point where the game was in danger of going a bit sour. Serial Tom Daley impersonator Pedro drew yellow cards for Nemanja Vidic and Patrice Evra with his high quality rolls, before earning himself one for taking the theatrics a step too far. Understandable the play-acting drew an angry response from the United players and there were a couple of handbags flying around for ten or fifteen minutes.

This all changed in the 58^th minute, when Carrick managed to get the ball off Iniesta, for seemingly the first time in the game, before releasing Valencia down the right whose cross was turned in by a sliding Chicarito.

Two minutes later and United were in the lead. Good work by Park breaking up a Barcelona move, was followed up by a glorious pass to send through an Unnamed Premiership Footballer who was then cruelly brought down in the area by eternal baddie Mascherano, who was given a red card for his efforts.

After another quick melee, involving everyone but Van Der Sar, Rooney fired United into the lead from the spot and Ferguson made a couple of changes bringing off the tiring Carrick and Giggs for the fresh legs of Scholes and Anderson.

The little genius of Lionel Messi couldn’t be denied though and with just seven minutes of the ninety remaining he turned on the half way line and ran past every United player twice, before nutmegging the referee and then whacking the ball against the bar with such cunning backspin that even the assistant assistant ref close to the posts couldn't tell if the ball had crossed the line.

In a surprise move Messi then produced his own portable goal-line technology that proved the ball had indeed gone over. This was backed up by a certificate from a Mr S Blatter saying portable technology was now allowable for certain of the best players.

It was Owen who settled proceedings with a header from a Rooney cross in the 98th minute of time added on, the referee having been a special Fergie watch a year earlier by the United manager in a brilliant piece of pre-planning.

The Reds were on top of Europe once more, the celebrations began, the Albert Square fountain ran with champagne and Carling....

Of course none of this happened. United were beaten by a better team.