Football Round-up 25/10/10: the pure poetry

The greatest football limerick part one

There was a young man called Rooney.
Who didn’t know what to doo-ney.
He first said yes.
Then he said no.
Now the Glazers dance to his tune-y.

The greatest football limerick part two

The talent shouldn’t really exist.
Twisting your neck like ‘The Exorcist’.
It shouldn’t be seen,
It’s almost a dream.
He's United’s Mexican jumping bean.

And after the limericks

“He’s a total natural, he just loves the game and all he wants to do is have the ball at his feet, nothing else matters.” This used to be Wayne Rooney, now it’s Javier Hernandez.

There goes the hotshot 22 year old Mexican flying around the pitch, chasing the ball down, putting the graft in, then showing exquisite self control in front of the net.

That salmon leap and owl like twist of the neck for the first goal against Stoke was simply weird but an improvisation of genius. To see a goal scored in a unique way is very rare in football. It shows that Hernandez is special.

Hernandez's training partner

Meanwhile Rooney from being the street fighter general of world leagues has suddenly turned himself into something very different. He’s suddenly the same as all the other mercenary buggers, when we thought he was a natural – both in his game and attitude.

There was always a bit of a Gazza about Rooney, but United fans hoped there was lot more Scholes. Instead it turns out he was Dick Turpin all along.

Some theorists think that Rooney and Fergie have pulled off a coup, both getting what they want, one more money, the other assurances from the Glazers about funds for team-building. Even so there’s a bad whiff about the whole thing. Even in that best case scenario the fans were manipulated without their knowledge.

Perhaps Rooney’s hesitancy should be rewarded with a one minute boo when he plays again. This should be followed by enthusiastic support, just to show that while the incident has not been forgotten, in the end United fans are deeply loyal to their team.

I've always wanted to stay at this club, punk

Away from all that, United did just enough to deserve victory, 2-1, in a fascinating away game against Stoke. They could still finish second after Chelsea, but it’s hard to see them finishing above the latter in the Premiership. The all out attacking verve, wave upon wave, that breaks teams down is subdued at present.

At Eastlands City faltered against Arsenal. With Boyata being justifiably sent off after five minutes, the game became lop-sided. City put up spirited resistance and forced goalkeeper Fabianski into action on several occasions, but they couldn’t – despite Joe Hart’s exceptional penalty save – prevent a heavy defeat.

There was a Silva lining in David Silva’s outstanding performance. Shame he and Adam Johnson occupy the same space on the pitch and find it hard to share match time. Mancini should work hard on a solution for that. Maybe put Silva more central, or behind Tevez or Balotelli, and let Johnson play the wide role.

The other really notable result locally this weekend was FC United’s victory over Barrow which gave them a local FA Cup first round tie at Rochdale – who won 3-2 against Dagenham and Redbridge in the League.

Carlos Roca scored the only goal of the game 12 minutes from time, in front of a crowd of 3,229. It’s the first time five year old FC United have progressed this far. The cup tie should be a fun occasion, a proper Greater Manchester party. It takes place on November 6/7.

Best put down quote of the weekend came from Jan Molby on Five Live summing up Liverpool player, Meireles, in their narrow 2-1 victory over Blackburn. He said, “He doesn’t score, he doesn’t create chances, he can’t tackle...it’s hard to see what he brings to Liverpool.”

This could have been a description of Rooney over the last four months at United.

Let’s see if his fat new pay packet helps motivate him

Fernando Hernando is a well-respected Mexican sports journalist who has been exiled to Manchester since his citizenship was withdrawn and a price slapped on his head after he admitted live on Mexican state TV to ‘an unhealthy fondness for Greggs’. We pay him £250,000 a week for the column, which was actually written by his brother Hernando Fernando, as the main writer was convalescing in Dubai from straining himself while picking up a briefcase of fifties.