Manchester Football: Wayne Bridge, John Terry and the head of Roo

There was a Carling Cup Final on Sunday which Manchester Rooney won.

Before that there'd been the Most Famous Missed Football Handshake in History on Saturday, which Manchester Bridge won.

“Mind you there's a dirty part of the male mind which thinks you can't blame John Terry, if that Vanessa Perineum, or whatever she's called, was available, then you might be tempted. She's fit.”

Well done United, but give it five years and Sir Alex Ferguson's snaffling of his three millioneth trophy in as many years as a manager will be a dusty statistic. It will only be treasured by those who attended the game itself.

But the handshake will live on in legend. In 2099 in some inter-galactic pub on a recently colonised Mars it will be question 14 in the Thursday Quiz and Curry Nite.

After all this is a proper drama.

On the surface the story might appear to be in the news because it involves footballers: those people who get paid huge sums of money to run after a spherical leather object in an attempt to place it inside a net only suitable for catching large fish. But there's more to it than that, a whole Hello magazine of gossipy reasons, clamouring for attention.

Forget the football this is also a tale of love, jealousy, betrayed loyalties, the sacking of the captain, arrogance, revenge, pride and passion. This is about the very married England Captain John Terry having an affair with his best friend's ex-bird (and mother of his friend's child) and getting her pregnant. That's enough to bring out the sticky prurient gossip even in the holiest of us.

We can be shocked, horrified, amused – take you pick. Some of us can even be understanding of Terry.

Amidst all the blather and blither funny how nobody in the media is expressing the opinion of this writer's friend, Gary 'wrong' Wright. To quote he said: “There's a dirty part of the male mind which thinks you can't blame John Terry. If that Vanessa Perineum, or whatever she's called, was available and wanted it, then you might be tempted. She's fit.” Mind you 'Wrong' Wright is single.

This is a question that Fabio Capello hasn't been asked. Shame really. You can imagine the sweating hack leaning forward in the press room: “So come on Fabio, you would, wouldn't you?”

But no, that hasn't been a line of enquiry because it's not decent, is it? And we are all so very very decent aren't we? All of us even Rio Ferdinand, the new England captain, or Steven Gerard his deputy.

As for the match at Stamford Bridge, City were like a team about to embark on an illicit affair. They started off doubtfully and wondering whether they should really get involved. After Tevez had equalised with the slowest shot on record, the only one which had snails scampering away, City behaved like a team who wanted to get it on. Right away.

They simply stuffed Chelsea in the second half. The gut reaction of Chelsea was to become spoilt brats: this always happens with the most successful teams, and this includes United, when they are on the end of an unexpected thumping. They thrash out wildly, players get sent off and the whole lot of them whinge. The only shame is that Chelsea made it 4-2 with that late penalty, as a scoreline of 4-1 was far more humiliating. As for the City players Gareth Barry should be singled out, along with Bellamy and Tevez: Barry wins the plaudits for the way he bossed midfield.

Meanwhile in the Carling Cup Final Confidential had predicted a 2-1 victory for the Manchester representative. And so it came to pass. Aston Villa scored so early with a penalty (for which Vidic should have been sent off), they gave up, exhausted by a rush of endorphins.

After that goal the game look scripted with United dominating. Michael Owen's tragic but predictable early exit also looked scripted, this time due to hamstring failure (if it hadn't been that it would have been something else).

At least Owen had scored a beautifully taken first goal for United before heading for the dressing room. He was replaced by Rooney who won the game with his if-I'm-playing-I'll-net-a-header. Such goals must have featured prominantly in Wayne's New Year's Resolutions.

In all though a good weekend for the Manchester teams, even if Saturday was a bad day for pre-match etiquette. Still that Vanessa Perroncel, is worth a go if the offer came? Hard to resist as a real man, I reckon.