OF COURSE THIS WAS AN APRIL FOOL'S DAY STORY
ACCLAIMED 'best chef in the world' Rene Redzepi from Copenhagen's Noma restaurant is to open a 'pop-up' restaurant during Manchester International Festival (MIF).
"This fits in with a new concept in cooking being developed in Scandinavia called Audial Eating."
In keeping with the 'unusual venues' theme this year (MIF runs from 4-21 July) Redzepi will be going up in the world.
His 'pop-up' restaurant will be installed in the belfry of Manchester Town Hall right above the main festival hub and pavilion in Albert Square. Other unusual sites being used in the festival include the old Mayfield Station, next to Piccadilly Station, and the meeting room in the Albert Hall, Peter Street, above the former Brannigans.
Rene arriving too late for a ferry, carrying his packed lunch
Rene Redzepi told Manchester Confidential: "This fits in with a new concept in cooking being developed in Scandinavia called Audial Eating. We're timing each sitting to begin a little before the hour and finishing a little after the following hour. The ringing of the bells will be matched with food from across the Nordic region plus some moss from the Town Hall walls.
"The bells are very loud especially the hour bell. This is important. The sound vibrations and the concussion from the bell shake your internal organs when sat close to it. This produces a very energising and interesting digestive experience. The noise enhances the special preparations of herring we'll be supplying. It's the purest form of Audial Eating yet achieved."
Alex Poots, Manchester International Festival Director, said, "I'm 'cock-a-poots' about this. We wanted an innovative chef to feature in the festival and Rene is the best. We're very honoured. He loves the belfry of the Town Hall, it's just a minor shame the toilets are ten floors down."
('Im cock-a-poots about this' is Alex Poots' copyrighted stage catchphrase when performing stand-up comedy.)
The ironically named 'Good God is that even edible' dish from Noma, a restaurant based in Wonderful Wonderful Copenhagen, twinned with Beautiful Beautiful Hull
As for any hints of the type of dishes people may expect, Redzepi, was being coy.
"Because my name sounds a little like Led Zeppelin we're going to do a few dishes based on their music while playing that music at huge volume, and that's not me being coy. It fits with the whole Audial Eating thing again," he said.
"What about some names, coy boy?" said Confidential.
"Given the Led Zeppelin theme there'll be a lumpfish, pickled lemming and arctic berries dish called Stir-fry to Heaven, and also a wild duck, wild hog and native Manchester pigeon platter called a Whole Lotta of Lung. I'm not being coy."
Confidential understands that every night after the last sitting there'll be a party for guests held in the bell tower of the Town Hall called Ding Dong Merrily On High.
Tickets can be booked at www.mif.co.uk or picked up from the Town Hall reception desk - special MIF guest receptionist this week is Damon Albarn.
Prices £50, five courses plus matching cordials.
Free Sarah Lund knitwear, from The Killing, will be distributed to keep people warm. The wool is edible.
Manchester residents on low income or claiming jobseekers allowance will be able to book at a discount, but may be told to get a proper job by a condescending waiter.
The Bell Tower, perfect for audial eating
Noma - the kitchen brigade learns the ropes
Haute cuisine - literally
Lund Jumper - in this case edible
An absolutely 'flat-out' kipper
You can follow Jonathan Schofield on Twitter here @JonathSchofield or in a taxi or maybe even on foot - but he's quick.